i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
