Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
