Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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