either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
