I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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