my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
