Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
