Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
