I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would ride that face into the sunset
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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