I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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