Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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