I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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