i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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