You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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