LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
