Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can Purell be used as lube?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
