high people should be assigned attendants
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
