Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
