I feel great
I just peed on a car
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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