I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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