When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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