Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
