i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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