Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
