I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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