ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
