Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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