drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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