Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
