my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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