Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
