i think my tv is drunk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
