Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
