please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
