Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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