It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
