My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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