i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
