return my video game
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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