Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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