o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
