OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cannot find my penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
