Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
