She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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