I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
of course. lets lasso hookers.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
