I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
