i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
