the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
