boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
