i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
