I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
