From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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